Who says you can't go home? Me.

I was sitting at a light the other day on my way home after a long day of work. Out of nowhere a Ford F250 jacked up on giant wheels with a bumper sticker on the back that says, "Shootin' Steers and Drinkin' Beers" pulls up to my right. When it banked left and cut me off, I slammed on my brakes, and screamed, "I hate this place!"

This post is going to sound pretentious, and maybe it is, but I just need to get it out there. My family's lived here since the 1600s, so if there's anyone who can rag on this place it's me.

Sorry Bon Jovi. Sometimes, you can't go home.

Ok, it does feel a bit grounding to come back to the only place in the world you know better than the back of your hand. It's nice to reconnect to some dear, old friends, and I'm super grateful for the help of my parents, but it only takes 10 minutes of walking around the Virginia Beach Oceanfront to realize: I'm a long way from the Upper Westside.

For the last 10 years, I've lived at addresses where I could step out of my front door and walk to whatever I wanted: the bar, the grocery store, riverfront parks, the Halls of Congress. But these days it feels like I'm living the Weird Al Yankovich version of my life. I mean I sleep in the bedroom where my brother's Beastie Boys album cover used to hang on the wall, and the closest thing of interest is a scummy retention pond with a weeping willow growing beside it. The local bar is Sneeky Pete's and the people who hang out there are just as creepy as the name. The local park is an old garbage dump, creatively called "Mt. Trashmore." Currently, there is battery acid leaking into the adjacent lake. These things seemed perfectly normal and acceptable to me two decades ago. Now, I just want to be accosted by a drunk homeless man on the corner of 125th and Broadway after eating amazing Korean food and call it a night!

And if I see one more "Don't Tread on Me" license plate...

But I've come to terms with it (about as well as I've come to terms with the circumference of my thighs), and I know it's where I'm supposed to be...for now. So yes, I will make the best of it, take a few years off from overachieving and just allow myself to slow down. Easier said than done.  In the meantime, I'll keep the bar well stocked.